To kick off my 42nd year, I envisioned a juicy birthday summer retreat with some of my favourite erotic explorers. Inspired by a similar gathering earlier this winter. We trialed QUEEROS for five days on Salt Spring Island, at the retreat space of our wise quelder, Caffyn Jesse. l invited my dear ones to weave their erotic light beams together in playful reverence, joyful care, and anatomical nerdiness. With the buck full moon as our backdrop, we shared song, dance, nourishment, touch, play, and the collective wisdom of mind, body, and spirit.
Here is a glimpse of what happened…
On the first day, we created a delicious menu of, Wandering Possibilities, for our time together. The desires on this list included activities we wanted to share or prototype and things we might be curious about experiencing for the first time. Throughout each day, we flowed between solo, partner, and group play, allowing for spaciousness and downtime as needed. There was a sense of intentionality in how we approached each other, creating a shared rhythm that felt expressive and expansive.
We set the tone by exploring, the Twelve guiding principles for creative erotic wholeness and shared intimacy within queer and trans centered* community. These principles, drawn from years in erotic communities, helped us set clear expectations, create boundaries, and surrender more fully to play and flow. One key agreement protects privacy: “What happens together stays together. Respect confidentiality, speak from your own experience, and get consent for capturing or sharing any media.”
It is important to acknowledge that I’ve asked for permission to share imagery and am sharing my personal experience here to give you a taste of what could happen when gathering queerly with eros.
Being my birthday, I practiced centring myself, voicing my longings—something I often help others with but rarely do for myself. As someone who thrives on being of service, it can be challenging to switch into receivership, but I leaned in with trust and openness. This co-created space, allowed me to explore my longings, deepening my sense of belonging while filling my vessel for the year ahead.
Finding a balance between facilitating and play was key. I felt deeply nourished by how enthusiastically everyone met my requests. In this context, I love to be surprised, so at one point, I was blindfolded, danced with, and made into a sweet, sensual delight.
Did you know you can be your own birthday cake?
One afternoon, we ventured into the forest, capturing images that expressed our core erotic themes. The late afternoon light dappled our bodies through mossy trees, and I found myself wondering, how can one image capture so much? For me, my core erotic theme lies in being witnessed while doing something that others may see as shameful, yet feels right in my body—being fully in my erotic power, and holding space for others to do the same.
In retreat, we explored the connection between the pelvis and jaw, whispered to nipples, and explored queer erotic ritual. I felt a settling in my being, an ease in my leadership, and a growing strength in my ability to serve. Our collaboration took the weight off my shoulders, redistributed among our enthusiastic team, and I felt more rooted than ever. For me, it was an embodied success!
Weeks later, as part of our integration, I asked the group: “How were your intentions met? What was most expansive for you?” Here is what’s been shared:
“It was joyful for me to experience myself in a group erotic setting 5 years into exploring SSE/SSE-related spaces. Noticing my capacities, as well as my growth edges. I found it really wonderful to gather with such awesome folks who are both in their on processes, as well as fellow practitioners: talking about our professional practices; talking about what we get up to in our own lives. What a yum!”
“The Queeros gathering was an answered prayer – for intergenerational queer space where whole bodies and souls are invited, encouraged and welcomed – without expectations or requirements. I felt at home with resonant humans, while at the same time humbled with my awe and admiration for you – as I witnessed the courage and capacity of young ones who are exceeding me. I saw how you each tended to your own centre, while caring for one another and the group space. Joy, awe, trust, sacred intimacy….. together with great food and fun! Amen. Thank you Raynefyre for gathering us and sharing the magic with me.”
“It was particularly wonderful for me to co-create this space with other creative erotic adventurers who are all doing gender queerly. The rippling ranges of touches and interactions possible from this starting point were very rich and nourishing for me! Our core erotic theme forest day was a highlight for me – having creative, playful space with my own body, trees and ferns with others exploring their erotic archetypes around me and then coming together afterwards to share our discoveries and creations. Through moments of vulnerable sharing by others, I felt a piece of my story about the specialness of my specific erotic insecurities or feelings of inadequacy fall away, instead feeling sure of my own sense of belonging in a whole joyful, messy, wounded, curious, complex web of beings. Sharing and witnessing in the swirl of ecstatic-neutral-painful-cathartic-hot embodiments reminded me how sexuality really has the potential to be and hold it all.”
“Co-creating erotic containers for what’s ready to emerge is my favourite thing in the whole world. it gave me access to all ages and genders of my life, and a wellspring of goosebumps and tingles throughout. i fell in love with everyone multiple times. noticed the variety of shapes my nervous system and body got into when I was open, expansive, uncertain, deflated, confused, naughty, inquisitive, turned on, etc. how the spacious container of “it’s all welcome” and “we’re all human” helped me companion these shapes more intimately. and feel more erotic belonging within my structure before seeking it outside. also the retreat surprisingly supercharged mouth hygiene and mouth play in ways I never would have expected! having shared curiosities brought magic and discovery into topics I wanted more depth with. learning from others in the moments of their discoveries was an incredible gift too. ultimately the experience dissolved any remaining lines between what’s “erotic play” and what’s “erotic healing”.”
Looking back, I see how my intention to practice centring myself was met with ease. This retreat reinforced my calling to bring people together into erotic growth + play spaces, framed by agreements that allow for exploration of emergent desires. Held in a “safe enough” way, these containers offer room for our individual curiosities to bloom. This playful summer gathering was another step toward communal fulfillment, where we welcomed all our vibrant queerness with love and celebration.
The possibilities from this collaborative event are expansive and creative. I’ll compost this experience as nourishment for next summer’s Queeros Retreat.
My desire is to continue to weave together the magic of erotic artists, practitioners and performers. To co-create spaces where we can soften into allowing; feel inpsired to express our authenic truth and desires; while daring to collaborate + play while sharing the queerest gifts we have.
